Dear Miranda, here is the (super long) weightloss guidbook!

Ok. So… lets see how long it takes me to get this out of the drafts section of the blog and actually posted. lol

You’re new years resolutions fucking rock, and I especially like your last one! Which…I suppose is as good a place as any to start talking about THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT GETTING HEALTHIER. Are you ready? Here it is.

“Do Not let Perfect, be the Enemy of Good.”
Are you listening to me? This means that when you fail (which you will, because hello, your a human) do not just throw in the towel. You say to yourself:
“Hey me. You shouldn’t have done that. But it’s ok, because you have been doing really good and you know what, tomorrow your going to rock it.”
Also I should add… you made your goals REALLY hard. I give myself two big cheat meals each week. To say NO MORE fast food and soda EVER… is ambitious. Now, I’m not saying YOU can’t do it. I’m saying I couldn’t do that… nor would I want to.
Keep in mind a new diet should not be about deprivation, but instead, improvement.
This might seem small but its really not. I HIGHLY recommend you give yourself cheat days. And start big, then go smaller. For example. I now do two meals a week, but before I did two days a week. Then when I felt sure I could do better, I moved to one day a week. I doubt I will ever have less then my two meals a week because honestly, I love good food and there ain’t nothing wrong with eating what you want every now and again.
I also never diet when I am on vacation. A vacation is about adventure and exploring a new culture and letting your passions run wild. Don’t cheat yourself of that. (I will say gradually you might find you ENJOY some of the healthier options and you will FOR SURE start to get full faster after a while.)
Ok so. Now that we have talked about cheating lets talk about what to do when not cheating. We will do food first, then exorcise. Keep in mind… this is what worked for ME. Feel free to modify.
-Drink more water.
Have I stressed the importance of this enough yet? This is SO important not just to dieting but to your health! I will Just drop this here.
Oh yeah… and one thing this little poster doesn’t mention… It also helps prevent cancer. DRINK. MORE. WATER.
I found the easiest way for me to do this was to add lemon or strawberries to my water for flavor and to buy a big ass plastic cup with a HUGE straw. I drink more when I have a straw, I don’t know why.  
-Stop Starving Yourself (Snack).
So in the past when I have tried to diet by eating lots of small meals I felt overwhelmed. FUCK… now I have to plan 5-6 meals instead of three! And it just never worked. But this last time I realized then when I watched what I ate for my 3 meals a day I was a) starving by dinner  and b) had calories left over. And having lots of left over calories SOUNDS like a great thing, but its really not. You want to lose weight but MORE importantly you want your body to function like it is supposed to so you don’t want 600 cal. left over at the end of the day just like you don’t want to go over by 600 cal.
Once all this occurred to me, I continued to eat carefully for my three meals BUT I added snacks in between as I got hungry.
Please don’t panic. You don’t have to plan out 70 million snacks. Honestly You just need a few basics that you don’t mind eating often. I regularly use 100 cal packs of organic popcorn, 100 cal skinny cow fudgesicles (for when I was craving sweets) , 100 cal chocolate greek yogurt.  
When I started snacking I noticed…Holy shit… I’m not as hungry and all my portions became smaller… and suddenly with out even trying I was basically eating 6 small meals a day!
(Later when I got good at doing this I started Juicing as a snack and to add another veggie. I will do a whole different post on Juicing sometime for you love.)  
-Don’t do all the things.
When we start a project we are all: ALL THE THINGS. I WILL DO ALLLLLL THE THINGS. Don’t. Here’s the deal… If you are worried about balancing your diet, and losing weight, and getting in more green veggies, and eating organic, and blablabla,  you will eventually say “fuck it” and feel like you failed at ALL THE THINGS.
For now, you want to lose weight so focus on that. The really cool part of all this is that the other stuff falls into place naturally with out you trying. For a while you just pay attention to your calories and what not… and as you do you reolize “I could eat 1/4 of that candy bar… OR I could eat an entire banana and a small square of dark chocolate.” Suddenly you are making better choices anyway.
I got to where I would eat a salad with just vinegar because to me the oil was a pointless waist of calories and salad is nearly a freebie so I could have a bigger dinner or feel less guilty if I had a few to many cups of coffee that morning (creamer calories always kill me).
Once all that goes down if you want to try and add more greens, balance, take some vitamins or wtf ever THEN do it.
So that pretty much covers Food Rules. I can give you more later if you have questions or what not, but that’s the basics.
Now onto Working out.
I fucking hate working out. Really. I hate it. I WANT to love running. So badly. But I loath it. HOWEVER… I love how I feel after I work out. And unfortunately after baby… you HAVE to work out to drop the weight, or at least I did.
This is what worked for me (I found some of these in a book called the Happiness project and found them to be really helpful):
-Never skip exorcising for two days in a row.
This is so true. By day three it is always SO hard to go back to the gym where as when I have momentum it’s not so bad.
-Always work out on Mondays.
Stupid Mondays.
-Do the type of work out you like.  
I don’t do the treadmill much and NEVER go to the track… because fuck running.
-Find ways to squeeze exorcise in.
This is especially true if you know you wont make it to the gym that day. Instead put on music and REALLY dance for 3 songs. Do a rep of jumping jacks and squats every time you get up from your desk. Shit like that.
-Give your self credit for the small things.
If you had to walk up and down the stairs at school 4 times, don’t write that off. Soon you will find yourself making excused to go up them an extra time just to top of your normal count. If you go for a walk and take the long way, pat yourself on the back. Next time you will probably take the long way again if you do.
That is about all for that. There is only one more thing I want to go over.
The first 3 days of dieting are total hell. You will think you are starving.
Three weeks in you will probably be wonder why the fuck you are still hungry all the time (though less so then the first 3 days).
A month in if you look at the scale and have gained 2 lbs, DO NOT GET UPSET. If you are working out then weight loss is SLOW at first and your body starts building muscle. I promise the loss will come and when it does start to come if you have kept to working out the lbs. will melt off faster than you think. Muscle is a good thing. It basically eats your fat. Seriously… the more muscle you have the higher your metabolic rate will be.
And lastly. Stay positive. Remember this shit is for your sanity and health and any change you make is a step in the right direction.
YOU CAN DO IT! (And I can stop being lazy and get my ass back to the gym!)

3 thoughts on “Dear Miranda, here is the (super long) weightloss guidbook!

  1. I have a eating healthy question, how did you figure out how many calories you should be having in a day? Because I have heard a lot of different things from a lot of different places and it is all just confusing.


  2. I'm not sure about Catie, but when I signed up for my gym, they did one of those BMI tests and had me weighed and all that fun jazz. Then she asked me how much I wanted to lose, how fast, what I was willing to do, etc. After all of that, I told her that when I joined the app 'Lose It!” or 'MyCalorieCounter' or whatever it is, it told me to eat 1200 calories a day. She told me, “HOLD UP! That is TOO FEW.” She said 1200 was ideal for when I GET that size, but right now, with all the muscle I am trying to build so that I can lose all of my weight, she told me I needed to be eating 1500 a day! Specially, 350 a meal and 150 each snack (6 meals total).

    Again, though, that's just ME. If you can, I would go to your family doctor with questions or ask them where to find someone who can help you without the hassle of applying to a gym (unless you have a gym at school and maybe someone there can do the BMI things – or a health professor could give you the run down?)


  3. Going to your family doctor or a nutritionist is a great idea and what I would recommend as well. However. I am a broke single mama so I use There “My plate” app and tab are really great and they have like a MILLION different foods on there for when your still learning to count.


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