Which I know sounds ridiculous because I (we) are constant seekers of perfection. Sometimes it’s a good thing because it helps me constantly push for growth and create new goals. But Perfection is a Frienemy. She LOVES to do this thing where she keeps my mind so busy thinking up all the was I need to make things perfect and all the ways that things are “bad”, “failures”, “losses” and distract me from the fact that I am improving. And it works on me like 98.9% of the time.
As I stood in the bathroom helping Emily brush her teeth tonight I couldn’t help but feeling defeated and overwhelmed. I’m a mess. There are dishes in the sink that I need to do. There are towels in the dryer that need folding. The living room looks like a tornado hit it. I haven’t hardly made any progress on the stitching project I want to do. I keep messing up on my diet…
This train of thought would have continued in a loop as it usually does, building that tight anxious pressure in my chest that never seems to go away but then I remembered the sermon I heard today at church. We are reading in James and talking about being steadfast and what it means to give thanks for the things that seem to be struggles and TRUST that God is working through them to show himself to us and through us.
And little by little I started to see some of what I had been missing.
I have learned to do dishes after ever meal. I repeat: AFTER EVERY MEAL. So the dishes in the sink that I’m fretting about are a tiny pile.
The towels that are in the dryer are my last load of laundry. All my other laundry has been washed, folded, and put away (with the exception of some grey I still need to fold). I have a totally fresh start to this week.
I used my time wisely with Emily today. The living room is trashed because we played. And we went to church. And we played outside. And when she was hanging out with my parents I used the time opportunity to plan, prep, and put together all three of my meals plus snacks for tomorrow.
Every day I eat right is a day better then what I had been doing. So yeah… while I might be struggling to get back on the wagon, every little bit I do is an improvement. If I eat great two or three days a week, that is two of three days better then I was before.
I am doing good. I am doing better for myself a little bit at a time. And I will not let perfection destroy the joy of improvement!