As you know Balance is one of things central to the core of my very being. Yet it seems to be something I constantly struggle with. Maybe its simply because I care about balance that I seek a center while most people are simply happy to live at one extreme or the other.
What ever the case I feel as if I have been off center for a bit. In my quest to be happier I pushed a lot of what I perceived as negative traits about myself to the side and I saw some great results! A good attitude really does breed good feelings. HOWEVER… I have come to realize that while a good attitude is something I want to keep, I just wouldn’t be me without the sass and snark.
I’m now attempting to slow the pendulum swing from Mega-Bitch to Super-Sweet and find my happy medium. I mean let’s be real. One of the sexiest things about me is that I’m not afraid of anyone and I will be quick to put someone in their place if they are rude to someone I care for. A new sexy trait is that I am harder to anger and “let it go” a lot easier.
Its all just a matter of walking the tightrope of my feelings without tilting to much to one side or the other… Sometimes it’s hard being an INFJ. Damn our inner complexities. This whole balancing act translates to all parts of my life. My attitude. My relationships. My Health. My parenting. My Faith.
I guess if last years theme was “Be Happy” then this year’s theme is “Find Balance”.
Today my friend Becca came over for a couple hours and we were lamenting the fact that we are so stinking busy that we literally have to schedule two hour time slots to see each other. Adulthood.
We also were talking about how the last six months have been totally insane for me. Basically everything in my life has done a headspin. Really…realistically that past year has been this way. A total hailstorm of change. The only constant being that there isn’t any constant. To be truthful, it’s exhausting.
Looking back I’m pretty proud of myself for continuing to dog paddle through everything because sometimes it really feels like I am about to drown. So I’ve decided that all I want for Christmas this year is a few months of CALM. A few months were nothing changes. No job changes or relationship/friendship changes, not even a house change. That’s right… while I do want to move into a place of our own desperately need a few months of just nothing.
I hope Santa brings me a freakin’ break.
There are like 90 million things I want to say about all the helpful and painfully (yet hysterical) thoughts you so generously outlined for me yesterday and today. However, I think this post will suffice. I have
realized always known that in order to be really completely 100% me… I would have to admit some things. Ok. A Lot of things. Not just to everyone else but also to myself. But here is the thing. I am so good at faking it.
So good in fact I can fool myself if I just don’t think about it to hard. However. If I write it to you (and who ever else reads it) then I can NOT deny it. I have to own up to my faults. And I have to move the fuck on. Because really that’s what this is all about. It is time for me to move the fuck on with my life. And I can’t while I am still holding on to all this much.
And here is the deal Miranda. I am sort of freaking the fuck out right now because… I’m not sure
people I can handle the truths I am about to lay out.
But fuck it.
This is our blog.
We run things, Things don’t run we
Don’t take nothing from nobody
Its our party we can do what we want
Its our party we can say what we want
That’s how that song goes, right? I say it is.
So buckle up and get ready for some confession posts. Here we go…