May Resolutions Review

Hey B.

Let’s see… a little check up on my resolutions and how they’re going… ?


Week One Jan 3-9 : No more sodas. (I feel like this is super reasonable. I love tea and everything else just as much if not more.)

HAH. I think I succeeded on this one, but it didn’t last long. *sips her Dr. Pepper*  Maybe I should get back to work on this one.


Week Two Jan 10-16: No more candy. (This will be so difficult at work.)

You know, this one stuck. I don’t eat candy, really. I am chewing gum lately to trick my brain when I get anxiety, but that’s about it.


Week Three Jan 17-23: 6 of 7 days, cut out fast food. (This includes breakfast. Oh, that will be so difficult. I am going to practice Week One and Two.)

HAHAHAHAHAHA…. I really need to fix this. I mean, to be fair, since I bought my lunchbox, I have been having mainly sandwiches and water. But, for breakfast, ugh. I still swing by Chikfila and throw away my money. Not only is it not good for me, but it kills my bank account. (More on Finances later.)


Week Four Jane 24-30: Pescetarian again. (Only Fish and Poultry for the meats.)

For the most part, I have done this, though I admit to having Black Forest Ham on my sandwiches. RIP.




New goals for this month? Let’s see.

For the first time, ever, Matthew and I are trying Envelopes as a way to manage money. It’s been pretty great so far because we physically see the money we have and don’t have before we make financial decisions. This is only week one, but it’s already made me that much more conscious, so I’m hoping this one sticks.

gave up gaming, though this wasn’t a goal of mine. It’s a cycle, I know. I play the games for a bit and then I get off them and back to the world for a bit. This is also not out of any ‘games are bad, mmkay’ rant at all. I love games. Just like I love movies and books. Granted, the ones I play have stories that keep me interested as opposed to shooters and stuff, but oh well. It’s worked out, though. I’ve been watching movies again, tv shows I enjoy, and reading. When doing the hobby of roleplaying, I never feel like I have time to do those things, so it’s nice. It was most horrible when I lead the guild. I felt I had to live and breathe the guild, work, sleep, repeat. Thankfully, I had enough sense to still spend time with Matthew and Elijah outside of it, so nothing was truly damaged as far as my life goes. I am proud I had a handle on that and felt I was responsible. Emotionally, eventually, it took a toll but that’s neither here nor there related to time. In any case, I’m writing now. So that’s cool. 

I have been going to bed around 8-10pm more often than not during the week and in turn, been getting up earlier and feeling more energetic and just at peace. While at first, I panicked thinking OH NO MIRANDA, YOU ARE NOT BEING PRODUCTIVE WITH YOUR ONLY ‘YOU TIME’, but I was. I was choosing health. I was choosing to be well rested so I could effectively kick ass at work and stuff. I was choosing to shower in the morning before work and wake myself up proper. I was choosing to stick to a schedule. It’s fan-fucking-tastic.

In addition, I want to continue my discovery of faith. I swear, every month that goes by has felt so good. I have never felt so peaceful and healthy. I have stopped feeling like I’m a royal fuck up that’s going to die and end up in the wrong place because I didn’t dot my i’s and cross my t’s. I don’t feel like by doing things I have always done, that I am being ‘wrong’ or ‘sinning’ or not ‘good enough’. I just… Ahh. It’s so nice. I don’t like to shit on things in order to make myself feel better. (Don’t get me wrong. I’m imperfect. I still do it. But I am trying not to.) So any Christians reading this, I speak purely and truly to my own experience and life – and nothing of you and your particular stories. I hope they are wonderful, and they are what you need and breathe. You do you, boo. I’m doin’ me.

The last but not least thing is, I am evaluating my relationships. In that mean, I have a lot of codependency issues I am clearing up with myself, and they have with or without my knowledge affected my friendships in some way, be it minor or major. I don’t know who will stick around afterward, who will come closer, or who will have no clue what I am talking about. I am learning about boundaries, and limits, and self-help, and not putting up with shit I don’t care about. At this point, if people who have seen me in my best, in my worst, and in my struggles of sweet ecstasy don’t want to be around … Fare thee well, Felicia. 🙂  

Relationships go two ways. For me, things that are the most important are Communication. Honesty. Forgiveness. If you can’t meet me on at least two of these, then we’re gonna have a bad time.



Anyhow. That’s me.


Here, have some music.


Dear Catie, I’m between a rock and hard place.

On the one hand, I really want to focus very much on my book this year. I want to begin writing /it/. Researching /it/. I don’t want to just do my little writing exercises. I want to make progress! Go, go, go!

On the other hand, I really really really want to lose 50 lbs. Just fifty. That’s all I want. But the extra time I would find to use to write, I could be using to work out and plan my meals and all of the B.S. it takes to lose weight.

I cannot do both and still breathe because you know me. Narrow-sighted and driven, but only on ONE thing at a time.

What do I dooooo?!



Response to this like a Dear Abbey! Go, go, go! (Inari, if you’re reading this, you can respond too! your advice is stellar!)

Dear Miranda, Page 2 of 365

This year I had a boatload of resolutions and the one’s I listed are just my PERSONAL resolutions. Zac and I are going to make a list for us as a couple as well. And I don’t know about you but for me one of the best parts of making resolutions is the very first steps you take to get going in the right direction. The prep work if you will. It’s fun and exciting. But it can also be stressful ans since one of my resolutions was to get rid of guilt I did not kill myself trying to do EVERYTHING all at once.

Here is a little bit of what I have been working on.

Last week I bought $300 worth of healthy groceries to get ready for my kick start to health. I didn’t stress about eating perfect on New Years Day, instead planning to have my first day be my first day back at work (tomorrow). And tonight I spent a fair amount of time prepping and packing my breakfast lunch and dinner for tomorrow. I set up a myfitnesspal account, though I’m unsure if I will even count calories this time. I probably will, but maybe not right away. I need to get back in the groove and get through the first three days (aka the hanger period).

Also I have been working on ways to kill the anger, frustration, and guilt in my life. It may sound stupid (or actually probably not at all)  but I started with Facebook. As you know there was a member of Zac’s family that has caused me a great deal of stress. Or rather I have caused myself a great deal of stress trying to make them happy, made myself angry by trying to make up for something I feel like was not at all my fault, and made myself frustrated by trying to keep Zac out of it. So Zac and I talked about what it was I wanted (I don’t want him to treat her any differently but I want to know he backs me up and I wanted to be sure that if she ever took things to far he would step in on my behalf. I was very pleasantly surprised by how he responded.) and he told me that I need to stop letting her petty passive aggressiveness get to me and that while he loved me for continuing to be nice, that I needed to stop trying to patch things or thinking that maybe she would stop being spiteful because in the end all it did was irritate us when she continued to act ugly. It’s time to wash my hands of it. So I got on Facebook and to my surprise she had deleted me before I could delete her. Which is such a God send because there is no guilt.

The lesson I learned is this: Being kind is where it’s at, but sometimes it’s easier to be kind when you remember your own feelings and keep yourself away from negativity.


Second on my Facebook journey was to block posts from “that mom” and I did. And you know what? It’s a lot easier for me to think clearly about this person when I’m not constantly bombarded with things that I find to be insensitive. The mom really thinks she is helping others and you know what, maybe she really is. Maybe she is reaching someone with a personality totally different from mine and connecting with them in a super helpful way. She really loves her child. And ya know what? No I can regulate my exposure to this woman. She is not a bad person. In fact in person I really enjoy her.

Lesson Learned: If the stuff someone posts rubs you wrong but you like the person, block the posts.

Last I started my “be the love” project. It’s a nice counterbalance when you are trying to deal with things that make you feel negative!

I posted this on my Facebook:

“This world needs as much kindness as it can get. I’m participating in the ‘Pay it Forward’ initiative: The first five people who comment on this status with “I’m in” will receive a surprise from me at some point during calendar year 2015 – anything from a book, a ticket, something homemade, a postcard, absolutely any surprise! There will be no warning and it will happen when the mood comes over me and I find something that I believe would suit you and make you happy. These five people must make the same offer on their Facebook status. Once my first five have commented “I’m in” I will forward this message to you privately, so that you can copy and paste it, and put it on your status, (don’t share it) so that we can form a web of connection of kindness. Let’s do more nice and loving things in 2015, without any reason other than to make each other smile and show that we think of each other. Here’s to a more enjoyable, friendly and love filled year.” 

Another thing I’ve been working on and thinking about in this new year are the things I am thankful for.

1. I am thankful beyond words that I have such a well rounded, flexible, happy child. Emily really is an easy child.


Helping Zac “kill bad guys” in her pretty pink princess dress.

2. The weather has been ice. Not snow… just ice and it’s scary and I could list a lot of things that are bad about it, but instead today I looked around at how seriously beautiful it was. It’s like everything is covered in decorative glass. It’s beautiful.

3. This guy. This one right here. Sometimes it is overwhelming to think about how blessed I am. So badly I wanted someone who gave me their affection freely, without shame, or being forced and Zac does just this. He loves me and he shows it and he’s not ashamed to be affectionate.


So far it’s a great new year.

❤ -Catie

Miranda’s Resolutions in Review – November

You and I both know the pull of guilt when we look back on these and go, “WHERE DID I GET OFF THE DANG WAGON?” Today, I aim to revisit that wagon, pull a few pieces of food off of it, and go forth to conquer my own quest of life.

Apologize only when I regret. 

I need this, especially nowadays. I’m separated (divorce is still in the works, but dang, it’s expensive…) and while I still feel like I am in the right and that this is the best thing I could have done, the guilt not from myself but others looms over me. I need to fight it better. I need to not apologize to anyone for my decisions unless I regret it.

Be positive.

I’m kind of proud of myself about this one? Sure, we all have our days, but I remain the ray of sunshine I wanted to be. It’s funny, because when I was younger, everyone adored the way I could smile and light up a room with my seemingly endless joy and energy. I could float between conversations with people and make everyone feel noticed, important, and rather than it be taxing, it was rewarding. Now, I haven’t been anywhere in the physical world, not really, but I’ve joined a guild of people who are NOT roleplayers and simply play the GW2 game as a game between friends, as a hobby, as something ‘for fun’. There’s literally no strings attached, no drama (comparatively to roleplayer’s drama), and it’s a new group, a new atmosphere.. New hope. I’ve been cheerful, happy, pleasant – and people seem to really like me! When I walk in, they’re happy to see me! Now, I know what this says about me (that I seek out approval for others), but I don’t give a damn. It’s nice to be around a group of people not shaming me for my divorce or other decisions. I’m happy to be able to feel like I can be that happy girl again, and everyone feel it radiating from me.

No more sodas.

Good lawd. I’m so sorry about this one. I should really hop on this bandwagon again. I’m thinking of going from Dr. Pepper to Sprite/Ginger Ale, because at least then it wouldn’t be dark soda, right?

No more fast food.

I would save so much damn money if I did this, but I am having such a hard time deciding what to substitute for it. I don’t me substitute completely. I mean, ANYTHING to replace this with. Right now, dad and I make big dinners so we have left overs, but damn, leftovers of the same spaghetti for weeks (we keep remaking  the same spaghetti each week) gets old. I need to learn to cook. How do I learn to cook?! EGADS.

Plan ahead on school work writing anything and everything. 

I need to make time, a routine, and work on my blog and book ideas. More on this in another post.

Write for 30 minutes, every day.

This is still a thing, but again, more on this. ^

Work out.

I actually just did this one, and my arms hate me.

God, God, God.

I don’t know how I feel about him anymore, to be honest. I’ll write about this as well.

Work on at least two of these resolutions each week.

Ugh. Okay, okay, okay.

Love you, B.



Dear Miranda, here is the (super long) weightloss guidbook!

Ok. So… lets see how long it takes me to get this out of the drafts section of the blog and actually posted. lol

You’re new years resolutions fucking rock, and I especially like your last one! Which…I suppose is as good a place as any to start talking about THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT GETTING HEALTHIER. Are you ready? Here it is.

“Do Not let Perfect, be the Enemy of Good.”
Are you listening to me? This means that when you fail (which you will, because hello, your a human) do not just throw in the towel. You say to yourself:
“Hey me. You shouldn’t have done that. But it’s ok, because you have been doing really good and you know what, tomorrow your going to rock it.”
Also I should add… you made your goals REALLY hard. I give myself two big cheat meals each week. To say NO MORE fast food and soda EVER… is ambitious. Now, I’m not saying YOU can’t do it. I’m saying I couldn’t do that… nor would I want to.
Keep in mind a new diet should not be about deprivation, but instead, improvement.
This might seem small but its really not. I HIGHLY recommend you give yourself cheat days. And start big, then go smaller. For example. I now do two meals a week, but before I did two days a week. Then when I felt sure I could do better, I moved to one day a week. I doubt I will ever have less then my two meals a week because honestly, I love good food and there ain’t nothing wrong with eating what you want every now and again.
I also never diet when I am on vacation. A vacation is about adventure and exploring a new culture and letting your passions run wild. Don’t cheat yourself of that. (I will say gradually you might find you ENJOY some of the healthier options and you will FOR SURE start to get full faster after a while.)
Ok so. Now that we have talked about cheating lets talk about what to do when not cheating. We will do food first, then exorcise. Keep in mind… this is what worked for ME. Feel free to modify.
-Drink more water.
Have I stressed the importance of this enough yet? This is SO important not just to dieting but to your health! I will Just drop this here.
Oh yeah… and one thing this little poster doesn’t mention… It also helps prevent cancer. DRINK. MORE. WATER.
I found the easiest way for me to do this was to add lemon or strawberries to my water for flavor and to buy a big ass plastic cup with a HUGE straw. I drink more when I have a straw, I don’t know why.  
-Stop Starving Yourself (Snack).
So in the past when I have tried to diet by eating lots of small meals I felt overwhelmed. FUCK… now I have to plan 5-6 meals instead of three! And it just never worked. But this last time I realized then when I watched what I ate for my 3 meals a day I was a) starving by dinner  and b) had calories left over. And having lots of left over calories SOUNDS like a great thing, but its really not. You want to lose weight but MORE importantly you want your body to function like it is supposed to so you don’t want 600 cal. left over at the end of the day just like you don’t want to go over by 600 cal.
Once all this occurred to me, I continued to eat carefully for my three meals BUT I added snacks in between as I got hungry.
Please don’t panic. You don’t have to plan out 70 million snacks. Honestly You just need a few basics that you don’t mind eating often. I regularly use 100 cal packs of organic popcorn, 100 cal skinny cow fudgesicles (for when I was craving sweets) , 100 cal chocolate greek yogurt.  
When I started snacking I noticed…Holy shit… I’m not as hungry and all my portions became smaller… and suddenly with out even trying I was basically eating 6 small meals a day!
(Later when I got good at doing this I started Juicing as a snack and to add another veggie. I will do a whole different post on Juicing sometime for you love.)  
-Don’t do all the things.
When we start a project we are all: ALL THE THINGS. I WILL DO ALLLLLL THE THINGS. Don’t. Here’s the deal… If you are worried about balancing your diet, and losing weight, and getting in more green veggies, and eating organic, and blablabla,  you will eventually say “fuck it” and feel like you failed at ALL THE THINGS.
For now, you want to lose weight so focus on that. The really cool part of all this is that the other stuff falls into place naturally with out you trying. For a while you just pay attention to your calories and what not… and as you do you reolize “I could eat 1/4 of that candy bar… OR I could eat an entire banana and a small square of dark chocolate.” Suddenly you are making better choices anyway.
I got to where I would eat a salad with just vinegar because to me the oil was a pointless waist of calories and salad is nearly a freebie so I could have a bigger dinner or feel less guilty if I had a few to many cups of coffee that morning (creamer calories always kill me).
Once all that goes down if you want to try and add more greens, balance, take some vitamins or wtf ever THEN do it.
So that pretty much covers Food Rules. I can give you more later if you have questions or what not, but that’s the basics.
Now onto Working out.
I fucking hate working out. Really. I hate it. I WANT to love running. So badly. But I loath it. HOWEVER… I love how I feel after I work out. And unfortunately after baby… you HAVE to work out to drop the weight, or at least I did.
This is what worked for me (I found some of these in a book called the Happiness project and found them to be really helpful):
-Never skip exorcising for two days in a row.
This is so true. By day three it is always SO hard to go back to the gym where as when I have momentum it’s not so bad.
-Always work out on Mondays.
Stupid Mondays.
-Do the type of work out you like.  
I don’t do the treadmill much and NEVER go to the track… because fuck running.
-Find ways to squeeze exorcise in.
This is especially true if you know you wont make it to the gym that day. Instead put on music and REALLY dance for 3 songs. Do a rep of jumping jacks and squats every time you get up from your desk. Shit like that.
-Give your self credit for the small things.
If you had to walk up and down the stairs at school 4 times, don’t write that off. Soon you will find yourself making excused to go up them an extra time just to top of your normal count. If you go for a walk and take the long way, pat yourself on the back. Next time you will probably take the long way again if you do.
That is about all for that. There is only one more thing I want to go over.
The first 3 days of dieting are total hell. You will think you are starving.
Three weeks in you will probably be wonder why the fuck you are still hungry all the time (though less so then the first 3 days).
A month in if you look at the scale and have gained 2 lbs, DO NOT GET UPSET. If you are working out then weight loss is SLOW at first and your body starts building muscle. I promise the loss will come and when it does start to come if you have kept to working out the lbs. will melt off faster than you think. Muscle is a good thing. It basically eats your fat. Seriously… the more muscle you have the higher your metabolic rate will be.
And lastly. Stay positive. Remember this shit is for your sanity and health and any change you make is a step in the right direction.
YOU CAN DO IT! (And I can stop being lazy and get my ass back to the gym!)