Catie, the world out there is terrifying. You and I are control freaks, completionists, list-makers, and OCD… And we can’t control the whole world. It drives us mad. The world is just a freaking scary place.
You’d best invest in ALL the Disney Princess movies. I suggest Frozen, Tangled, and Eat, Pray, Love. Under the Tuscan Sun. I have more, ask me later.
Okay, back to business. Two episodes ago, I addressed what to do AT THE MOMENT you were freaking out because of things happening due to flirting. Last episode, I explained why a certain reason for flirting is the worst reason to flirt – and why you shouldn’t. So, thus far, you should have learned a few things:
- Give no fucks for dumb boys.
- Be free, live and learn.
- Realize that you are beautiful, and if you falter in this perspective, ask God to remind you.
That’s a summary. I said more, and if you forgot, go read them. (: I spent hours on them.
Okay! So, today’s episode is… What now? Where do you go from here? You’re single for the first time in forever and how the heck does someone make it out in the world with your story and not go around screwing every man with a sexy bod?
I have some ‘healthy’ tips for you as you make your way on ward to glorious battles.
- Before you do a single thing, make sure Emily is taken care of.
I don’t have to tell you this, but for our readers I feel I would look awful if I didn’t first put your daughter in the mix. She’s the apple of your eye (and I love to buy her gifts <3). First thing, make sure Emily is taken care of on the things you CAN handle. You're doing great so far, Mom. Don't forget that.
- Next thing, you need to take care of Catie. You cannot be feeling like this and try to date ANYONE:
Have you gotten a pedicure lately? A manicure? Get your hair done, buy a fantastic outfit that flatters all of the things? Have you taken a class just for the heck of it? Do something you love, and remind yourself daily that you’re fantastic. If you get bored with life, find something else. Note, not SOMEONE else. SOMETHING else. This is the time for you to try all the new things and see what YOU, by YOURSELF as a person, NOT a part of a COUPLE likes. ENJOY yourself. Catie’s heart needs to be patched up before she can offer it to anyone else.
Surveys say that one of the sexiest thing in a woman is a woman who knows her shit. She has an idea of who she is, what she likes, what she doesn’t like, and she’s honest about it. If a guy says or does something you’re not cool with, don’t hesitate. Do something about it, right then and there. You are on the prowl, you get to pick and choose. You are not ‘left overs’ from a marriage that didn’t work out. You are not a failure. You are not ‘settling’ for anyone under my watch, and NO ONE is ‘settling’ for you. You are hot shit, and make sure everyone knows that.
- They say that love comes to you when you don’t look for it.
So, you don’t have to go find it. When 9 months (or whenever) rolls around and you’re like, “OKAY TIMES UP, WHERE THE HOTTIES AT?” … Don’t. Don’t be desperate either. When you get desperate for a man, it means you’re striving to feel desired again, and we talked in LENGTH about that last post. Let them come to you.
Don’t get me wrong. If you see a hottie with a body at the coffee shop and you won’t be hurting yourself to throw a hint, go and talk to him. Be fearless — but do not go to the bar and wink at all the men and accept all the drinks. That is not the right kind of ‘let it come to you’ that I am speaking of.
Also, avoid this guy. ^
- Real talk, Miranda… What if someone notices me, flirts with me, and it feels so nice that I think I may slip before 9 months is up?
Then you have two things to consider.
1) Is this a feeling you’re receiving because you’re failing to feel good about yourself, or is it an attraction that happens to also be fantastic that they’re hitting on you?
2) Why do you have to wait for your birthday? Are you picking a random date that seems long enough to ‘heal’? Time doesn’t listen to us, neither does our heart. If you think the guy is worth it, and he’s not a creeper, and he understands that you’re fragile, and he plays by your rules (such as, no meeting Emily until X, or he has to be in TX / move to, needs to have X qualities, whatever)… Be casual. Test it out. Tell him you’d like to think about it, and that things are looking good. Tell him you’re not perfect, and you’d like to know more. Make a connection. Be bold. If shit hits the fan, then you had fun in the meanwhile.
If shit doesn’t hit the fan, … (:
- Miranda, I feel a lot of guilt. Guilt because my marriage failed and we all know people have opinions about divorce. Guilt because I ended up breaking some guy’s heart right after because I didn’t realize what I was doing. Guilt hurts a lot, and I feel like a monster. How do I know I won’t hurt someone else? I can’t handle feeling like a monster for what I’ve done, but to be one again?
You are imperfect. You are going to hurt someone, and that is uncontrollable. You are going to make mistakes. I cannot give you a formula in which you will not ever hurt another person again. However, I can give you advice on guilt, and how I began to rid myself of it.
Never. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Feel guilty unless you regret it. Examples:
You made yourself clear that you weren’t interested in dating. Someone crushed on your and tells you and it gets awkward. Do you feel guilty that you flirted with them? NO. NO YOU DO NOT. It was THEIR fault.
You feel guilty because your marriage didn’t work out. Do you feel guilty? Okay, some. But it’s only 50% your fault. And you are very fortunate in that your ex-husband is not the worst guy in the world in terms of still being a good Dad to Emily and being cordial with you. Don’t feel guilty. It’s a thing. It happened. Learn why it didn’t work and attempt to better the things you can improve on.
You go on a trip and spend a bunch of money on yourself while you’re there. You’re away from your daughter for the entirety of it. You have amazing experiences, discover new places, and learn about yourself without the distractions of work, responsibility, or other dull things. DO YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT? NO YOU DO NOT. Have your cake and eat it too while you can! And then come home and be thankful you had the opportunity and hug Emily as you think of taking her next time! GO LIVE, You UNCULTURED swine!
Really, guilt is when you regret. If you live with little to no regrets, you live with little to no guilt. Never allow someone to make you feel guilty without due cause, either. And in any case, if someone is making you feel guilty, they’re being an ass anyway. You aren’t supposed to condemn your friends or ‘neighbor’. You’re supposed to love them anyway and if you just have to, pray for them. You’re in God’s hands, not theirs. This is what you get to tell them:
- Right now.. I don’t think I could ever love anyone again, or find love. I don’t know if anyone could love me the way I want and need them to, either.
My answer to this one swings back to our last post. You can’t look for someone to fill every piece of you. You need to ask God to make you whole again — And no, I’m not talking about the “God, can I be a virgin again so I can meet Prince Charming?” I mean, really, you need to get some strength, find your inner strength in God so that not even the slightest bump in the road can shake you so easily, and then realize that with His love, all things are possible…. That way, any guy you find that may love you or you may find you love… It’s just an added bonus, not the beginning or end of the world.
And, it may not seem like it now, but you will find love again. Whatever form of love that is, is between you and God and possible Mr. Next, but it will happen, and it will be good, and you will be just fine.
Just think, in the meantime… You get the whole bed to yourself. No sharing!
As more specific feelings or fears come your way, Catie, call on me and I will help you with them either. I am guessing for now at what you may fear, and what will come your way. If I missed anything, I apologize, and I will certainly continue and do more upon your request. I love you dearly, Kettle.
(P.S. Laugh at this. Click to enlarge. I hope you watched Boy Meets World before.)