Protected: Dear Miranda, Let’s talk about the biggest epiphany of my life.

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Dear Miranda, Today you woke up WINNING!

“Can’t get out of bed. Feeling too much fail. Send help.”
Let me break it down for you, love.

“I haven’t worked out since the 3rd and it’s now the 6th.”
-Which means that you HAVE worked out the FIRST WEEK of the new year & it means that have worked out, what? Half of the days? Now before you desided to do this if you took 6 random days how many were you working out? That’s right, B, you are making progress!
“I was eating fine yesterday and then made spaghetti at 1am.”
-I really hope this isn’t the standard for how we measure failure because I totally carbbed it up this morning with a bagel slathered in cream cheese and two cups of coffee, extra cream and sugar. Again, your goal is not to be instantly perfect. It’s not to be perfect period. It’s to make progress… which as you said “I was eating fine”. The beginning is really hard because you are HUNGRY while your body adjusts. So don’t beat yourself up, you are doing great!
” I was going to work out on the way home, but then realized I don’t have clean clothes to even get out of the house because my laundry is everywhere, waiting to be done.”
-Fuck laundry. Seriously. I have four huge loads that need to be done as well as 2 that are clean… but need to be hung. Laundry is a NEVER ENDING CHORE. Here is what you do, you put on some music and dance your ass off as you sort that shit out. Dance over to the washer and Dance your happy ass back to your bed or chair or what ever and call it good. Then you can say you did something physical AND did at least one load of laundry. BAM!
“I just can’t function. I know I won’t get what I want done and so I don’t want to do anything.”
-Confession: We have a problem with desiring everything to be EXACTLY how we see it in our head…all day erry day. This is a HUGE recipe for trouble as it is 100% guaranteed to make us feel like a failure. So here is the plan. We are not going to do that to ourselves. I am here. Right here. And I KNOW you. You are NOT a failure.
You are a Mom.
You are a Wife.
You are a Friend.
You are a Student.
You are an Employee.
You are a Writer.
You are a Mother Fucking WINNER.
(In case you still had doubt. Here is a diagram.)

Now, if you still feel like shit, take the day to mope because honestly sometimes we need that and tomorrow wake your ass up and say “I piss excellence!”