This year I had a boatload of resolutions and the one’s I listed are just my PERSONAL resolutions. Zac and I are going to make a list for us as a couple as well. And I don’t know about you but for me one of the best parts of making resolutions is the very first steps you take to get going in the right direction. The prep work if you will. It’s fun and exciting. But it can also be stressful ans since one of my resolutions was to get rid of guilt I did not kill myself trying to do EVERYTHING all at once.
Here is a little bit of what I have been working on.
Last week I bought $300 worth of healthy groceries to get ready for my kick start to health. I didn’t stress about eating perfect on New Years Day, instead planning to have my first day be my first day back at work (tomorrow). And tonight I spent a fair amount of time prepping and packing my breakfast lunch and dinner for tomorrow. I set up a myfitnesspal account, though I’m unsure if I will even count calories this time. I probably will, but maybe not right away. I need to get back in the groove and get through the first three days (aka the hanger period).
Also I have been working on ways to kill the anger, frustration, and guilt in my life. It may sound stupid (or actually probably not at all) but I started with Facebook. As you know there was a member of Zac’s family that has caused me a great deal of stress. Or rather I have caused myself a great deal of stress trying to make them happy, made myself angry by trying to make up for something I feel like was not at all my fault, and made myself frustrated by trying to keep Zac out of it. So Zac and I talked about what it was I wanted (I don’t want him to treat her any differently but I want to know he backs me up and I wanted to be sure that if she ever took things to far he would step in on my behalf. I was very pleasantly surprised by how he responded.) and he told me that I need to stop letting her petty passive aggressiveness get to me and that while he loved me for continuing to be nice, that I needed to stop trying to patch things or thinking that maybe she would stop being spiteful because in the end all it did was irritate us when she continued to act ugly. It’s time to wash my hands of it. So I got on Facebook and to my surprise she had deleted me before I could delete her. Which is such a God send because there is no guilt.
The lesson I learned is this: Being kind is where it’s at, but sometimes it’s easier to be kind when you remember your own feelings and keep yourself away from negativity.
Second on my Facebook journey was to block posts from “that mom” and I did. And you know what? It’s a lot easier for me to think clearly about this person when I’m not constantly bombarded with things that I find to be insensitive. The mom really thinks she is helping others and you know what, maybe she really is. Maybe she is reaching someone with a personality totally different from mine and connecting with them in a super helpful way. She really loves her child. And ya know what? No I can regulate my exposure to this woman. She is not a bad person. In fact in person I really enjoy her.
Lesson Learned: If the stuff someone posts rubs you wrong but you like the person, block the posts.
Last I started my “be the love” project. It’s a nice counterbalance when you are trying to deal with things that make you feel negative!
I posted this on my Facebook:
“This world needs as much kindness as it can get. I’m participating in the ‘Pay it Forward’ initiative: The first five people who comment on this status with “I’m in” will receive a surprise from me at some point during calendar year 2015 – anything from a book, a ticket, something homemade, a postcard, absolutely any surprise! There will be no warning and it will happen when the mood comes over me and I find something that I believe would suit you and make you happy. These five people must make the same offer on their Facebook status. Once my first five have commented “I’m in” I will forward this message to you privately, so that you can copy and paste it, and put it on your status, (don’t share it) so that we can form a web of connection of kindness. Let’s do more nice and loving things in 2015, without any reason other than to make each other smile and show that we think of each other. Here’s to a more enjoyable, friendly and love filled year.”
Another thing I’ve been working on and thinking about in this new year are the things I am thankful for.
1. I am thankful beyond words that I have such a well rounded, flexible, happy child. Emily really is an easy child.
2. The weather has been ice. Not snow… just ice and it’s scary and I could list a lot of things that are bad about it, but instead today I looked around at how seriously beautiful it was. It’s like everything is covered in decorative glass. It’s beautiful.
3. This guy. This one right here. Sometimes it is overwhelming to think about how blessed I am. So badly I wanted someone who gave me their affection freely, without shame, or being forced and Zac does just this. He loves me and he shows it and he’s not ashamed to be affectionate.
So far it’s a great new year.